Mindset - Flip the Script

The stoic philosopher, Epictetus said, “Men are disturbed not by things but by the views which they take of these things.”

Or said another way, you can’t always control what happens, but you can always control your response to what happens.

Every day, things happen that most people consider “bad.” A traffic jam, a coworker getting on your nerves, a setback on a project, a poor night’s sleep, a delayed flight, etc. And these “bad” things make us feel stressed, frustrated, and unhappy.

But we don’t become stressed, frustrated, or unhappy because of these things. We become this way because of how we view these things.

Our untrained minds are used to viewing life’s many inconveniences, challenges, and setbacks as negative. But there is no law of physics or the universe decreeing that a traffic jam, delayed flight, or failure must be bad. We just choose to believe these things are bad, and so our minds and bodies respond negatively.

The solution is to flip the script. Flipping the script means you choose to view life’s many adversities with a positive attitude. If you view challenges as good, as opportunities, and as humorous plot twists in your larger story, you will be able to be calm, happy, and effective no matter what the day or others throw at you.

Flipping the script consists of four steps:

1.     Notice when you are viewing something negatively.

2.     Realize that thing doesn’t have to be negative.

3.     Remember that events don’t determine your mood. Your beliefs about the events do.

4.     Choose to respond positively. If you decide something is good, then it is.

Stuck in traffic? Good. You now have time to listen to an audiobook, brainstorm, call a friend, rehearse a presentation, or listen to your favorite music or podcast.

Unexpected setback at work? Good. You now have a chance to show your team, your boss, and yourself that you get the job done no matter what the obstacle. You have a chance to dig in and do hard things, test your mettle, come up with a solution, stay calm under pressure, push yourself intellectually, and save the day.

Your spouse really likes to make the bed in the morning, you think it’s annoying. Good. Instead of thinking, “This is dumb, why do we have 104 pillows?” you can flip the script and think, “this is an excellent chance to make my spouse happy, be a good teammate, practice discipline, and show that what is important to them is important to me.

Is your boss irrationally angry at you? Good. This is a chance to practice your stoicism and discipline by not reacting or passing the negativity on to someone else. This is a chance to be the one to change their mood by doing something impressive. And this is great training for when your kid becomes a teenager and treats you like this every day.

Your relationship feels stale? Good. You now have an opportunity to turn things around by doing something awesome. Have their favorite meal prepared for them when they return home for the day. Surprise them by preparing a thoughtful date. Write a long letter explaining how much they mean to you, what you see for your future together, and ideas you have for improving the relationship.

Doctor Viktor Frankl, after surviving the Holocaust imprisoned in a concentration camp, wrote, “Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space it is our power to choose our response. Everything can be taken from a person but one thing – it is the last of the human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude.”

After every so-called “bad” event that usually brings us stress, frustration, and unhappiness can instead bring us joy, gratitude, and inspiration if we just flip the script and choose to confront these challenges with optimism, positivity, and resolve.

In the coming days, take note of all the things that take you away from your calmest, happiest, and most effective self. Identify which of these things are truly, necessarily bad and which are only bad because you’ve chosen to view them that way. For things in the latter category, examine how you can flip the script to find the joy, opportunities, lessons, humor, and silver linings in these moments.

When adversity comes knocking at your door, remember it doesn’t control you. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter. Things don’t matter. Only your views of them do.

Flip the script.